I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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