chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
