Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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