I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
only if we run a train.
done.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
