you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
