He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
