Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You dont lie about slip and slides
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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