What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
