we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
