Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
