3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
