i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
