Pappa wants mamma naked
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
