I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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