I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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