Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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