Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
