U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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