apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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