Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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