i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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