You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
