The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
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I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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