Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
