I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
