I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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