Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
