I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
