Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
