He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
do herpes really smell.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
