I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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