Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
