either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
