I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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