i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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