Kiss
Puke
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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