my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
