"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
