I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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