So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
