i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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