Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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