I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
