I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
