I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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