I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
