pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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