Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
