just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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