I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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