yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
