Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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