Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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