i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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