DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
there is glitter all over my balls
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
