Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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