I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
