I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize