i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
