this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
