Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize