If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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