we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
