just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
