At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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