if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
