you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just invented taco cereal.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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