Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
