i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want her autograph on my taint
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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