You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
