my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
