I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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