the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
