Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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