I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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