I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
