I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
