Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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